Anticipating the Climax of My Life (kinda)

Finals are here, finals are here! Which means school is done and the next few weeks will be EASY in comparison to my life the past four months! Oh yay, oh yay! I just really feel like singing! Right now I have one exam to study for tomorrow, but I'm not really getting that worked up about it...I'm feeling fairly good about my classes so far. I don't know if they'll all be A's (this is the first time that's EVER happened), but if not, you know? That's okay. This would be the semester that would have done it to me. Work, school, wedding plans, keeping up a house...it was an awful lot! But school is letting up, the wedding is almost HERE (it's like fifteen days and three hours away!), and I'll have a lot of time off of work because of the holidays and the wedding...

...so basically, life is GOOD! Just these pesky finals, some last wedding plans to finish up (flowers, decorations, the dress alterations), and my work here is DONE!

And life can return to normal in about three weeks!

If I had a dollar for every time I thought of something to post...

If I had a dollar for every time I thought of something to post, I'd be rich. Or, at least, I'd have three dollars more than the last time I posted! So today, to catch up, I'd like to talk about three things, which really you could combine into two things:

1) How awesome Kyle is (divided into two subgroups)
2) Adopting animals

First, I'll be really brief, but I'd just like to point out how much I love Kyle and how amazing he is. Two instances (okay, more than that, but two that really struck me lately) that really stand out in my mind: my birthday--yes, that was last week!--and how great he is at speaking Spanish to little kids.

My birthday was great, and all because of Kyle! Not only did he get me roses and jewelry (a DOZEN yellow roses and an Algerian love knot necklace....think Vesper from Casino Royale), but he also let me take a HUGE nap, made me pizza, and watched Napoleon Dynamite with me. An amazing day!

Next....Kyle is amazing with little kids! The other day we went over to Dutsika's to discuss the cake decorating process for our reception, and Kyle played with Dutsikita while her mother and I talked. Dutsikita spent the entire hour playing with Kyle and her Dora castle and coloring pictures, all while speaking rapid-fire Spanish. Kyle, being the amazing guy that he is, not only understood (he's fluent) but used his grown-up man imagination to humor Dutsikita's games. It was precious, I tell you!

Okay...I would have expounded more on those things, but this is what's really been bothering me today: Muncie is closing its Animal Shelter!

The mayor has decided to cut the jobs of the animals' caretakers, so as a result, the shelter is understaffed and can't stay open. There are about 70 animals in the shelter right now, and they have to find homes by the end of the month or they'll be euthanized. I wish we had room (and money) to adopt more cats or even a dog, but Tiger has proved to be enough as it is, and we've only had him a few weeks--and we still haven't gotten his shots or taken him to be neutered yet!

So, we can't change the fact the shelter is closing. I get that. But these animals need HOMES! They didn't do anything to anyone except exist. They shouldn't be killed just so we can make a small cut in budget that could easily be covered by everyone in Muncie donating like a dollar or something. Please help if you can!

I'm so glad we decided to keep Tiger. He's a fat lazy turd, but Kyle and I love him to pieces and we can't imagine living here without him now! Please do the same in your life if you have the means and the space and the love!

ADOPT TODAY!

Tiger Moriancumer

Having a cat in the house really changes things. I think it's definitely made the three of us (me, my sister/roommate Betsy, and Kyle) a lot more responsible. Who knew that owning a cat for four days would change someone so much. But I love being a mommy! So far, anyway...

So Tiger was a perfect angel the first night Kyle brought him home. We found out that he's house-trained (perk!) and that he is very cuddly. He was the best cat anyone could ask for!

Four days later, Tiger has shown us that he does scratch furniture afterall. We've been very lucky to catch him at it early--we sit in the living room a lot, so we stop him before he even starts sometimes. Kyle read somewhere (he's been reading up on cats a lot lately, now that we have one) that cats hate the smell of citrus spray, so he bought some citrus room spray from Wal-Mart the other day and sprayed down the furniture with it--it's done a little in helping Tiger to stay away! The point of this (instead of just hitting him or throwing him off) is for him to think that it's not fun at all to scratch furniture as opposed to it's not fun to scratch furniture when people are around. By deterring him from coming near the couch altogether (instead of just when we're there), I think it'll take care of his scratching when we're out.

We also discovered that cats hate the feel of aluminum foil on their feet, so we put aluminum foil down along the floor around the corners of the couch. It helped--Tiger wouldn't step on it! But he'd stretch over it to reach the couch, which is why we needed the spray.

Tiger also eats more than the average cat, I think. He eats like it's his job! He goes through a whole bowl of food a day (lots more than my parents' cat does) and when he's out of food, he begs at the table. Especially for Arby's food. And when he doesn't get it, he thinks it's okay to jump on the table to see what we have! He's not jumped on surfaces very often (I think his last master didn't like that too much, either), but I've had to keep him off the kitchen counters once. Cats do not belong on tables, counters, or other surfaces! If you let your cat up on any of these things....gross!

Kyle and I worked together to give Tiger a bath on Monday...that was interesting. He was actually very well behaved, and I emerged with no scratches or bites (I did the primary lathering and rinsing) but my shirt was SOAKED. When they say cats hate water, they hate water! I've never been cruel enough to shove a cat in a bathtub when I was a kid, and I'm awfully glad I didn't!

Kyle continues to be amazed by Tiger's cleverness and agility--he's never owned a cat, you see, so he's always surprised by how high he can jump, how far he can stretch, and how stealthy he is. This, of course, is old news to me. I don't underestimate Tiger. He's an interesting little kitty. He might be cute and cuddly (he's taken to crawling on my chest and licking my cheeks when I'm busy reading), but he also likes to playfully bite at your feet--which is something Kyle discovered during a nap!

Worthiness Interviews, Recommends, etc.

So on my wedding website (www.mywedding.com/megankyle, if you're interested) I've recently noted the preparation that Kyle and I have made to be able to go to the temple to be married for time and all eternity. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and even though I try not to talk too much about the wedding on this blog (that's what the wedding blog is for!), I want to make an exception! Worthiness has been on my mind a lot over the past few months--and it should be, seeing as if we want to be worthy to be sealed, time is running out to sufficiently repent if there is something amiss!

When Latter-day Saints go to the temple, they must hold a temple recommend, obtained by an interview with the bishop and stake president (our local church leaders). Kyle and I have scheduled a meeting with our bishop for our temple recommend interview this Sunday and have now finished the pre-endowment section of the temple prep classes (the final class happens after the wedding). I'm actually very, very, very happy to be going to see the bishop and have a worthiness interview--it's such a good thing to be worthy to go to the temple. In the past, I've had interviews with the bishop for a temple recommend that is good for a year--these recommends are for doing baptisms in the temple ONLY. Since we will be getting endowed and married, the temple recommend will expire every two years, but the process of obtaining this one is a little bit different...we have to go not only to our bishop (the leader of our local church unit) but also to the Stake President (the leader of our stake, which is a cluster of local units). We must have a worthiness interview with both of them in order to obtain a temple recommend that would gain us entrance for the endowment and sealing (marriage) ordinances. For those who are unfamiliar with what's all involved in a worthiness interview, here are a few basic facts about worthiness, recommends, etc.:

1) You must have a temple recommend to be able to go to the temple, which means that contrary to what everyone thinks, not every Latter-day Saint is automatically able to go there. We believe that when the Lord gives much, much is expected in turn, meaning that if you have a testimony of the truths of the gospel, the Lord holds you in higher accountability to follow those truths than those who do not have a testimony of the gospel. Would you punish a four-year-old child and a fourteen-year-old child in the same way if they committed the same offense? Any typical parent or guardian would not. Neither would the Lord hold those responsible for a lack of knowledge. Latter-day Saints have knowledge of the restored gospel, and it is their duty to adhere to the commandments given by God. This is why it's not enough to just be a member of the church to be able to enter the temple--the Lord's house is about more than just "belonging" to a certain religion.

2) In order to determine whether or not a Latter-day Saint is worthy to enter into the House of the Lord, he or she is "asked searching questions about his or her personal conduct, worthiness, and loyalty to the Church and its officers. The person must certify that he or she is morally clean and is keeping the Word of Wisdom (no drugs, alcohol, coffee, tobacco), paying a full tithing (10% of annual income), living in harmony with the teachings of the Church (Law of Chastity is a big one), and not maintaining any affiliation or sympathy with apostate groups. The bishop is instructed that confidentiality in handling these matters with each interviewee is of the utmost importance" (Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple--my comments added in parentheses).

3) I've been asked how the bishop (or stake president) would really know if I'm being truthful about my responses to obtain a temple recommend. Couldn't I just lie if I wanted? I could. But what good would that do? I might be able to deceive the bishop, a person who is human and imperfect, like me. The Lord, however, knows all things and will not be mocked. If I obtained a temple recommend and used it without being worthy, I will not receive any blessings from the covenants I've made until I am worthy. Covenants must be kept to receive blessings from the Lord--if we disregard our promises, the Lord is not bound to uphold His. At baptism, we covenant to follow the principles of the gospel, and if we do not, then we receive considerably less blessings from the Lord.

4) You don't just get one shot at the interview! If something is amiss in the patterns of your life, the bishop will help you resolve it. This is what he has been called to do! After you have sufficiently repented and prayed, you may return for another interview. Just because you might be kept from a recommend once does not mean you can't get one a little later. This also works in reverse--just because you have a temple recommend does not mean that it cannot be taken away if your actions are not in accordance with gospel standards. Recommends must be renewed every two years, so regardless of whether you have had reason to not use your recommend, it can expire, and you must submit to an interview again.

Kyle and I pray for strength everyday to make righteous choices so that we'll be able to enter the temple confident that we are worthy to make covenants therein. It's not always easy--when you become engaged, it's easy to be tempted in more ways than one! It's very important to us to be worthy in every way before entering the temple, or else we know the blessings promised to married couples will not come to us. As for worthiness interviews, they aren't scary (if everything is as it should be!)...when I'm following the commandments and obeying the Lord, worthiness interviews are a blessing because I receive encouragement and confirmation that I am doing the right thing.

It's a Boy!

So, again with the excuses. Yeah, yeah, I get it, I suck at keeping blogs. But, to my defense, I've been busy! Working, class, church stuff, date nights (necessary!), wedding planning (the other blog has suffered, too!), the list goes on and on. But yay! Things have not calmed down, but I've found a minute to write! I've been meaning to for awhile.

Okay, first things first. Thank you Kristie and Kim for helping me to change my blog around to make it cuter! I definitely found some nifty borders and little signs for my blog that make it way better than it was before. Awesome.

Second things second. Life is great right now. Kyle and I are preparing to be married, so things are obviously good! We're getting all the wedding planning wrapped up (or are just getting in the middle of it...I don't know). But it's fun! There's a huge list of things to do, though.

Work is great! School is great! The house is great! Kyle's great! And I think we're going to adopt!

So, while Kyle was pushing carts at the Menards parking lot, he found this cat. It's a full-grown, orange-striped male and it was roaming around the parking lot letting kids pet him. Kyle's seen other cats in the parking lot, but he was never able to approach them because they'd just run away. This one followed him around. He said he tried to feed it scraps of food that he found in the parking lot, but the cat wouldn't eat them. He went into the store and got some dry catfood, and then the cat absolutely loved him. Of course, Kyle was too soft to just leave the kitty in the parking lot, so he got him a box and put him in his car until his shift was over.

Imagine my surprise when Kyle came home! I had just gotten home from work myself and was making dinner (healthy macaroni-and-cheese and curly fries) when Kyle came in the back door. I asked him if he got the Christmas tree we'd agreed to get, and he told me, "Yeah, but come out and look in my car." I went to the back door, looked through the window to his car, and saw this cat looking at me from the passenger seat with his ears all perked up.

"Oh my gosh...how'd a cat get in your car? What's he doing here?!"

I'd tried to talk Kyle into adopting a cat or a dog a few weeks ago, but I knew it wouldn't happen because we're just not home enough to train it. We could never have an outdoor pet--not living where we'll live. But this little guy was a house cat. There were several clues: he followed us around instead of running away, he lets everyone pet him, he knows how to act on the furniture, he's very fat so was obviously well-fed. He's very mild-mannered and polite. He's also a cuddler! We got him some food and water (he loved that), and Kyle went out for some kitty litter and a container (which he definitely knew how to use). We're debating whether or not to keep him, but I think we both really want to.

He's really cute and funny, too. He snores and farts a little in his sleep (Kyle: "Yeah but I do that and you keep me!") and he likes to roll over and over while he's sleeping, too....actually, he fell rolled right off the couch a few minutes ago! He grabbed at the couch and landed on his feet, then got up and sat on his butt for a while all alert-like and watched us until we stopped laughing and went back to what we were doing. Next time, when he got back on the couch to sleep, he didn't lay so close to the edge. Tomorrow we're going to give him a bath and make the basement a little nicer for him to have his litter box. I think Kyle's afraid that he'll be afraid down there, so he really wants to keep him up here. His poop smells sooo bad though, so that wasn't an option!

We've decided to name him Tiger Moriancumer. Tiger is for obvious reasons--he's orange-striped. I really wanted to give him an LDS name, too, and I'm beginning the book of Ether, so I really thought Moriancumer was fitting, seeing as it's the second half of the brother of Jared's name. Whatever. The name is good. Go big or go home!

So he stays for now. We'll watch for any problems, but I don't know that there'll be much, if any.

Ideas?

I want to make my blog cute! Any ideas? I'm not so savvy with the blogging thing yet, even though I've had mine since March! I know it's a short post, but I'm really curious as to what options I have for my site. Any thoughts?

Wow, it's (almost) October!

I can't believe this month has flown by as quickly as it has...and October will only go quicker!  I need to be able to update this more often--I am ashamed!

Things are great right now.  This week was particularly stressful for me because I had lots of reading and a lesson to present in my class and a quiz and also my student teaching application to turn in.  I worked the maximum amount of hours I could.  By Friday, I was emotionally beat down and ready to just relax into the weekend.  I had yesterday (Saturday) and today off, and I'm only on call tomorrow (yay!) with Tuesday off as well.  That's potentially four days off in a row!  I'm so excited.

Tonight was the Relief Society Broadcast.  There were some amazing messages presented tonight and I've once again become enthusiastic about being a member of Relief Society and a Visiting Teacher.  Broadcasts like this make me glad to be a woman!  

Relief Society Broadcast also means it's nearly time for my Church Birthday.  I'll be two years old on Tuesday!  It seems like I've been a member forever; I hardly remember what it was like to not have the church in my life.  At the same time, I'm oftentimes smacked in the face with the fact that I haven't been a lifer, so I guess I'm in a weird place.  I continue to reflect upon how different I am from before I was a member (heck, how different am I from my one year anniversary last year?) and just thinking about it makes me so proud and yet so humble.  I'm so grateful for my Lord and Savior and what He's done for me through His infinite atonement.  I'm so thankful that I have the gospel and that I live in a country of religious freedom and am able to build my life around the Church.  I don't know what I'd do without it.  

I suppose I think about my baptism anniversary as a sad AND happy day.  I remember how terrified I was to make that huge step and thinking that I wasn't ready.  I was alone the night before and I cried myself to sleep when I realized that this was my last chance to turn back, if I wanted.  But I didn't want to.  I was afraid that I was going to be alone and that no one would understand me.  How thankful I am that this isn't true!  It took me a long time to realize that, but now that I do, I'll do anything to show those who helped me how much I appreciate their charity and kindness.  

The Church just makes me want to be a better person.  There are lots of things I want to do and lots of things I want to see, but most of all, I want to be LDS.  I want to be someone's wife and companion, sealed in a temple for time and all eternity (I love Kyle!).  I want to be a mother...a good one!  I want to bake cookies for my behbehs and read to them and tell them that their mommy and daddy and Heavenly Father love them very much, and they should never forget that.  *Sigh.  I wish I could have it right now.  Only a few more months (95 days!) till my and Kyle's eternity begins.  

I don't know a lot, but I know I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I know the Church is true and that God lives and loves us and wants us to be like Him.  I know I am His daughter and that He has a special place in His heart just for me!  

THE GOSPEL IS RESTORED!  Live life, love the Lord, and be happy!

Wow, it's September!

Oh my goodness....why is it September already?!?!  This doesn't even seem right.  I know I haven't been on for awhile, but holy cow...time flies.

So...I don't have internet at the house (yet).  That much is obvious.  We're working on that though!  So while Kyle is sitting at the library computer next to me moving around money in our JOINT bank account (we decided to just bite the bullet and mix them now so it's less to do later), I'll update!  Hopefully I'll be more consistent with this in the months to come!

We both have jobs!  Deb and Menards!  The Lord has been good to us and we get about 20 hours each week.  This is more than enough to meet our financial needs.  It means we get to see less of each other and we don't get to go to church activities as often (or at all) during the week, but our school work isn't suffering (as of now) and it pays to feel as though we've got everything under control financially.  This is nice!  I love my job.  I put clothes away and let people into fitting rooms and do other miscellaneous things that really don't matter too much in the grand scheme of things but keeps me busy during the shifts that I'm there.  The time flies at work, and I'm very grateful for this.  I like the people there and look forward to getting to know them more.  

Classes have started out pretty good.  I'm about a week ahead in some of my classes (hurray!) but I still have one more book to get.  The house is finished for now (still have crown moulding for the kitchen, but who's counting that?) and we have beautiful bedroom furniture waiting to be worked on...we'll get to that sometime!

Wedding plans are on a roll again!  We've got the major vendors and are now in the process of setting up engagement pics and meeting with our photographer and videographer.  I've had my first bridal shower and gotten TONS of stuff from Kyle's family in Michigan...one of our registries is pretty much exhausted from my understanding...which is....good?

Life is good!  The Lord is good!  The gospel is RESTORED and it's TRUE!  

PS (for Kels)--SLUGBUG *punch*

New Job.

I've not updated for like 10 days or so, but so much has happened since those 10 days!  We've gotten so much more work done on the house (it's getting to be crunch time, here!) and I've worked hard to find a job in Muncie.  The job has been particularly stressful because all there really is available are the retail jobs...and I've never worked retail!  I don't know what it's like to have a job in town where schedules are pretty inflexible and lots of what you have to do is smile at people and help them.  I'm pretty excited to try it, though, and I think I'd be better at it now than ever before!

The process, though!  I've applied for more jobs than ever before!  I've filled out applications for Aldi's, Kohls, Maurice's, Charlotte Russe, Bath and Body Works, Dots, and Deb.  I've also done online applications for Old Navy, the Gap, Booksamillion, and Marsh....and if I didn't hear from any of those, I had applications at the ready for Aeropostale, Menards, the Compass Learning Center, Sallie Mae, Hobby Lobby, and Kerasotes.  Whew!  Every night before I fall asleep, I would spend time thinking about where else to apply!  I prayed and fasted for the right job and did all that I knew how to do:  payed my tithing and worked diligently in my calling and kept an upbeat attitude.  I knew that if I put on my applications that I was unavailable on Sundays that I would be richly blessed.  I counseled with Kyle over how many hours to work, how important the pay is, what shift I should shoot for, and what days to keep for homework and the Lord.  Kyle has been a great blessing in my job search and has helped me in many ways, mostly in prayer and encouragement.  I couldn't have gotten a job without his support!

Anyway, when I filled out the applications and turned them in, I prayed for the right job to become available for me.  Miraculously, as soon as I inquired for an application at Deb, I was promptly encouraged to fill it out as soon as possible because interviews were the very next day, if I wanted to sign up for one!  So I did!  I filled out the application, made sure that I had references at the ready, and did my best to get myself out there...and it worked!  I was offered the last slot for an interview at the very last minute of the following day, and I went home all excited and preparing myself for it.  I thought of questions to ask the interviewer and went to my interview praying for the Lord's will.  The interview went great!  The manager is nice and was completely understanding of my experiences that were NOT retail.  I don't know even that I should have been there for an interview, because I felt confident that if I hadn't turned in my application when they were setting up interviews, they wouldn't have contacted me.  I was promised a phone call two days later to let me know whether I had gotten the job or not.

It was a LOOOOOOONG wait, but worth it, because I got the job!  YAY!  I'm so excited and I'll find out exactly when I start next week on Tuesday or Wednesday when I go in for a schedule.  I hope I do well and that I'm quick to pick up the skills I need.  I'm willing to work for them and be as dedicated as possible.  I'm so grateful for the blessings the Lord has given me, and I'm not going to waste the opportunities He's got in store!  I'm so happy right now!  I love the Lord and I love life! 

Love everyone!

This is one of THOSE posts:

Some people never change.  Some situations never change.  Some people just never grow up and hurting other people just never gets old.  

I'm not angry....just hurt and very sad.  It hurts me that people like to think of themselves as someone's friends and then talk badly about someone behind his or her back.  They make fun of the trials that one has gone through, and because they don't understand it, they think it's that person's fault that things have happened the way they have.

I know I'm being awfully cryptic again, but I refuse to intentionally hurt people's feelings and wish others would do the same.  

Before you judge a person, get to know him.  See what he's like or how he's changed.  Just because he's changed does not make him crazy or weird, and just because he doesn't talk doesn't make him stuck up.  If you get to know him and don't like him, don't hurt him on account of your preference.  Be honest and fair.  I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to love like the Savior.  I'm working my hardest and doing my best, and it's frustrating when former role models, friends, and acquaintances cannot do the same and hurt others in the process.

Please get to know someone before you write him off.  After you've written him off, please be prepared to take him back at any time.  Please love everyone.

Baking Again.

Call me crazy, but I've been baking again.  I think I'm really beginning to like it!  I still have to be in the mood to do it, though...not like cooking.  There's never a mood for cooking :/

Tonight it was a strawberry cake with icing that I made from scratch!  It wasn't hard at all, but still a lot better than what I was doing about a month ago.  It's actually become sort of fun sometimes!  Kyle says that I'm trying to make him fat and that he can't afford new pants, but I don't mind.  I made the cake just for him (and for us to have something nice after Fast Sunday tomorrow).  

Tomorrow we plan on attending church in Muncie and going to work on the house afterwards with my mom.  We don't typically work on the house on Sunday, but it's coming down to crunch time, and we really need to get working on it.  There's still so much to do...cabinets and flooring to put in the kitchen, rooms to paint, carpet to rip up, hardwood floors to refinish, plumbing to replace...the list goes on and on.  Our goal is to have it liveable by the end of this month so I can get a start on moving all my stuff there and looking for a Muncie job.  This suits me just fine because I miss Muncie so much!

My holiday was pretty much boring and I plan on celebrating the Fourth at Kyle's house next Saturday with a barbecue!  Yay!  Today I just worked (time-and-a-half pay!), showered and did some me time--painting of the nails, shaving, things like that that no woman has time to do throughout the week--and now baking.  It was a pretty good day, I think...

Baking Cookies to Fried Potatoes

Baking's not so bad.  

Today I decided to make cookies.  Snickerdoodle cookies!  I don't know why--just in the mood.  Hmmmm...this leads me to wonder what wife-prep is doing to me...

I really like to make cakes, too.  Hopefully this develops and begins to overlap with cooking.  I'm still a miserable cook that can only master hot dogs and macaroni and cheese.  I should get points for trying fried potatoes, though!  Next time I'll remember my mistakes and be sure not to make them again.  

But that's the point, isn't it?  You know, life means making mistakes.  We try our best to correct them at the time, but often we can't.  Sometimes our work isn't even salvageable (or we just eat around the burned parts of the fried potatoes).  But we know better next time!  Eventually we make less and less mistakes and our potatoes are passable!  

I hate to compare frying potatoes to learning from mistakes, but...well...there it is.  I've made a heck of a lot of mistakes.  For those I've hurt, I'm sorry.  For those I haven't, I'll do my best to never do so.  For those who still stick around, I love you and you mean the world to me.  For those who decided that it's better off not to stick around, that's okay...I love you, too, in your own special way.  I don't know how things will turn out in the future, and a long time ago, I didn't know what the present would be like.  Things are different.  Things change along the way.  My potatoes are different than I expected.  I still have fried potatoes, but they're a little bit battered and a little bit crispy.  But they're still good!  I've come to like them that way.  I love my potatoes and I worked hard to make them what they are.  In fact, the end potatoes are better than the anticipated ones because of my experiences in making them.  So let me have my potatoes and don't be hatin' on how I got them to be edible.  I just did.  

You should be content with that.

This actually started off to be about baking/cooking.  Clearly, now it's not.  But to the people that it should be obvious to, I think I made it pretty obvious.

If you're jealous of having fried potatoes, go make your own!

Changes

So right now I'm looking at some very big events coming up (and some just occurred) and I'd like to pause a moment and ponder where I was only a short time ago...

Over four years ago (March 2005)...I had my required physical at the doctor's office for tennis season and weighed in at 215 pounds.  How unhealthy I was!  Thank goodness I decided to quit doing the weight gain thing and started to work to slim myself down.  I'm not perfect now, but definitely a lot better off.  I'd be really unhappy with myself if I still looked and felt like I did all that time ago.

About four years ago (June 28, 2005)...I got my first job!  It sucked!  But I still work there.  It was really hard for me because I was physically undisciplined and the work was manual.  I remember my first day coming home and nearly passing out from exhaustion and the smell of eggs.  It was hot and sticky work and I wanted to quit, certain that I couldn't tough it out.  Buuuut...that first paycheck came and changed a whole heck of a lot.  Not too bad, I said to myself.  I was getting better at adapting to a schedule and developing the willpower to want to be there.  I had goals finally, and I met them!  Since then, I've put in a heck of a lot of hours, sometimes more than 100 a week (let's not repeat working 17 hour days ever again), and sometimes only just a few.  It's my last summer there right now because I'm moving to Muncie permanently, and I'll definitely miss the ones I work with.  I've done a few other "jobs" where I've come home and not been physically drained.  To me those aren't real jobs!  What will I do without it?

About three and a half years ago (January 23, 2006)...began dating this guy I was soooooo in love with in high school.  Tom helped me to see that people could really be happy if they set their hearts on it and knew the right way of going about it.  He was a wonderful example, and still continues to be.  It was rocky for us at that time, but he was always there--my friend and mentor.  Without his help and guidance...I can truly say I'd have no idea where I'd be!  Certainly not where I am today!

Almost three years ago (June 22, 2006)...During the period where we were not dating, I let Tom talk me into seeing the missionaries from his church and hear their message.  I took the first discussions with them at his home and learned about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I remember my first two elders (both of which I am now Facebook friends with) and how kind they were and their confidence in the gospel.  I had no idea that these men were only nineteen years old--two years older than I was.  How could they have known so much?  How could they have been so certain of what they taught?  Did God really listen to us when we prayed?  They taught me about Joseph Smith the first time and then the Plan of Salvation a short time later before my parents started to become skeptic of what I was learning.  They supposed I wanted to learn more to rebel and to please the boy I loved.  I cried when they told me I couldn't see the missionaries anymore.  I didn't know much about the church, but something felt right about it.  I wanted more.  I took more discussions without my parents' knowledge and decided to join whenever I moved away.  It was the most important promise I've ever kept.

Over two years ago (May 20, 2007)...We got back together, and eventually Tom left to go on a mission for his church.  It was a big commitment...two years away from home and only snail mail for us.  Could we keep a relationship like that going?  At the time, I prayed for it to be so.  I had already decided to join, and I promised that I'd wait for him so we could get married after he came home.  For once, I knew what I wanted in my life and it was the most amazing feeling in the world.  I was working toward becoming eternally happy.  I missed him soooo much, though.  I became depressed after he left and didn't get out of that for a long, long time.  I wished day after day that he'd come home and help me, but he remained diligent and stayed where he was called to serve.  I hated that fact at first, but over time, I realized it was probably the best gift anyone's ever given me.  I was allowed the opportunity to grow on my own and develop my own testimony without using someone else's as a crutch.  I was at a making it or breaking it point, and I made it!

Over a year and eight months ago (September 29, 2007)...the biggest day of my life so far...MY BAPTISM!  There are so many, many, many things I could say about that particular day.  I was so nervous that I forgot a towel to dry off with, for one, and had to phone Kim (Horn) Call to bring me one.  The night before I spent a heck of a lot of time on my knees crying for this to be the thing I needed that would change my life.  There was no turning back for me now!  The baptism was pretty simple and quick, but, oh...the feeling after.  The rest of the day was quiet and peaceful, but it was perfect.  It truly was The Best Day.  I got to show everyone that I was a Daughter of God and PROUD OF IT!

Over a year and three months ago (March 2008)...I got my first calling!  I'll always have a special place in my heart for the Young Women's program.  Those girls and the leaders did a lot for me and help me to finally manage to snap out of unhappiness and try for something more.  At that point, baptism wasn't the end of it and I had to exercise my testimony to make it bigger.  The calling was exactly what I needed!  I can't express in words what it's done for me and since being released, I've gotten a new calling (Visiting Teaching Coordinator).  I have a testimony that I'll learn oodles from that as well, but I have no idea what it will be.  I might not know for years down the road, but I know it will come.  Thank goodness for eternal progression!

Over a year and two months ago (April 7, 2008)...I started seeing a new boy.  He was my YSA/Baptism friend (we converted at the same time) and I finally decided to let someone else in instead of trying to do everything myself.  The Lord made other people so that we might rejoice in them and in our love for our brothers and sisters.  I needed to allow others to be a part of my life instead of saving it all for some undetermined time.  Kyle has been so patient with me for a very long time, and he is to be my eternal companion.  He knows me better than any other person in the world, and I feel like Heavenly Father put us together to strengthen each other and help one another reach exaltation.  When I need something, I go to Kyle.  He sometimes feels I still retreat and keep to myself, but how wrong he is.  Kyle is my everything, and he's even more to me because he understands the gospel and what it means to me.  What a lucky girl I am.  I don't know why I didn't agree to marry him sooner.  When I think of what would have happened to me if I had lost him...let's not finish that thought.  He is the one for me.

Over three months ago (March 1, 2009)...Kyle and I agreed to be sealed for time and all eternity.  We decided that we'd love to go to the Nauvoo temple sometime in the winter and have our families there with us before and after our sealing.  We both committed to be part of each other's earthly families and to begin our own eternal family.  I can't wait for the day we are sealed!

Four weeks ago (May 10, 2009)...my last summer at home began.  This is my last time to live with my mother, father, sister, and brother as a complete family unit.  I love them more than I can say and appreciate them, too.  When I think of my relationship with them a few years ago, I wonder how I've come so far.  The gospel has changed how I look at my family, and even though we are still different, we all know that we love each other.  

Four days from now (June 12, 2009)...Tom comes home.  The day that I'd prayed for so fervently.  How long ago that was!  I'm excited to meet him again to see how he's changed and talk with him about his mission and his experiences in Japan.  Still my friend, I can't wait until I see him again.  That hasn't differed at all over all this time.  I want to tell him in person how much his example has meant to me and how he's changed my life for the better.  Someone once asked me that, seeing how things had changed so much from our original plan, would I have preferred that Thomas stayed home?  NO.  This is where we are supposed to be.  The Lord knows each of our needs and if we are diligent and strive to obey His commandments, He will answer our prayers.  He has answered both of ours in a different way than originally anticipated.  That's okay.  I'm able to walk away from that with a reminder to not be arrogant and suppose that my timetable is more important than the Lord's.  I wouldn't change a thing about my experience and I know Thomas wouldn't either.  These were trials we were meant to encounter, and all we can do is try to overcome them faithfully.

205 days from now (December 30, 2009)...Kyle and I will be sealed for time and all eternity!  Happiness begins, and the trials are different.  I don't know how everything is going to work out financially, but they will.  The Lord will watch over us if we are mindful of Him.  We might argue and fight, but we will love each other eternally and we will both know that not even death could take the other away.  That's the beautiful thing about temple sealings!  I can't wait to take my place in our relationship as Kyle's eternal companion and a wife and mother in Zion.  It can't come quickly enough!

So many changes!  I'm so happy with where my life is going right now, and I know there will be even more changes, but I'm here to meet them!  I'm not backing down, I'm not chickening out, and I'll fight the adversary.  

And with the Lord, I'll win!

'And I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has delivered me from prison, and from bonds, and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me.' (Alma 36: 27)

Remember When It Rained?

So this blog isn't about anything that's been on my mind lately.  I wanted to post a blog but couldn't think of anything really that I felt like blogging about.  So I went to my iTunes and picked a song and let it inspire me.  

So the very first song that caught my attention was Josh Groban's "Remember When It Rained."  

I like Josh Groban.  He's got a wonderful voice and sings really amazing songs with great messages.  I don't listen to him enough, probably.  The only reason that one of his songs was up first on my list is because my iTunes by default displayed first the songs that I'd recently added to my collection.  Which includes this particular song, obviously.  And it includes this song because I snuck onto my sister's laptop while she was out the other day and dropped some of her better songs from her iTunes onto my flashdrive.  In essence, I stole this song.

Anyway, Josh Groban.  How did I get introduced to Josh Groban?  I'm pretty sure it was Jared's fault.  There was a particular song, I think, but I can't remember if Jared made me listen to it and I liked it or if Jared recommended Josh Groban and that was the first song of his that I listened to...it's been years and years.  Probably like four or five.  I think it was sophomore year of high school, actually.

Oh wait!  He went to a Josh Groban concert.  In Fort Wayne, I think.  That's how we got to talking about it.  He was really excited about the whole thing.  He got them from someone in the church...I wish I could remember who.  I think he said like someone's aunt.  Actually, this is weird, but I think it was Betty Jo's aunt.  Ironic, huh?  I could be totally wrong, but....weird.  That's what I remember.  I loved Josh Groban immediately and became addicted.  And now that song "You're Still You" makes me think of Jared and no one else.  It doesn't even really apply, but, you know, I can't help what my mind triggers. 

Anyway.  "Remember When It Rained" was on his second CD--you know the one..."You Lift Me Up," anyone?  "Remember" is such a sad song.  Here are the words:

Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you.
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do.

Oh...Remember when it rained?
Felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Oh...Remember when it rained.
In the darkness I remain.

Tears of hope run down my skin.
Tears for you that will not dry.
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die.

Oh...Remember when it rained?
I felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Oh...Remember when it rained.
In the water I remain...

Running down
Running down
Running down

I began listening to this song a lot after Thomas left, mostly because it's pretty melancholy, and I was pretty depressed.  Not a good time in my life.  I remember occasionally putting the music on and sitting in my dark closet and crying, willing it to rain on me.  In the darkness I remained.  

That's what that song's meant to me for all these months...depression and anger and sorrow and resentfulness and desperation.  I was thinking about all of this as I considered how different things are now, how I never let myself reach that threshold of depression anymore and how I'm surrounded by beautiful people who care for me.  Most importantly, I became part of the most wonderful church anyone could ever hope to become involved in.  They love me and don't care what's happened to me before as long as I'm repenting with a broken heart and contrite spirit.  And then it hit me...

...this song is a conversion story.  

And not just any conversion story--my conversion story.

It just fits.  I don't even need to explain it to myself.  Now the song is beautiful and gives me hope instead of forcing me to remember those awful feelings I had after someone I cared about went away.  When we cannot do things ourselves, we need the Lord.  Sometimes we don't look for Him until we are humbled into realizing we cannot it alone.  We become hopeful.  We develop a new love for Him that cannot die, and He changes us from the inside out.  We call for Him again and again, sometimes in the same pleading voice as before, sometimes not.  But we always seek Him.  And just like in baptism, we can be fully immersed in His love.

For the first time ever, I smiled as I listened to this song!  I hope everyone can Remember When It Rained. 

In the water I'll remain.

Work and projects.

Summer so far...aaaaahhhhhh...I've gotten more work than I'd assumed I would!  This is very nice, especially in the paycheck area.  This is only my second weekday off since school let out, and because I don't get days off that often, I'm able to enjoy them.  I also get to work tomorrow, and also on Thursday before I go see Kyle for the weekend (yay!).  It's good to know that even if I don't get called in to sub, I have something to fall back on!

So I've only subbed twice so far.  I'm a little sad about that and wish I could get more work with the school (I need the experience), but every time I get on facebook, I see returned college kids commenting on their statuses about subbing at schools, so I get it.  Everyone's doing it.  It's easy money.  And that's okay, really.  I'm glad for my experiences that I've had so far--two REALLY different experiences!

So the first time was the very first Monday I was home, and I got to fill-in for the Nutrition and Wellness teacher at the high school.  Basically what that consisted of was taking attendance and pushing play on the DVD player (I watched Supersize Me like 4 times that day).  The kids were pretty good...I had some discipline problems but was able to sort it out pretty easily.  All I had to do was raise my voice and remind them that I was in charge and I wasn't writing passes, dealing with talking, and tolerating any kind of disruption.  It was rocky at the beginning of every class, but they caught on pretty quick, and they respected me.  When I taught second grade, though....

Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh.....

When I walked into the elementary school, the smell of disgusting school lunches completely overwhelmed me.  Bleh.  I'm never going to force my kids to eat school lunches.  They're expensive, over-rated, and disgusting.  I could probably do better packing lunches for my kids.  And they'd be healthier.  

Anyway, all the furniture was small, so that made me feel really big and...gigantic.  Plus, everywhere I looked, noses had to be wiped.  Germs were everywhere.  But, maybe I'd like it.  So I decided to keep an open mind.  Forget the fact that it was open concept, so once I got into my little classroom, five other teachers' rooms were within the space that I could throw one of my kids.  But anyway, my students were cute.  As individuals.  Collectively, they were annoying.  On one hand, they were very helpful.  On the other, when they wanted to tell me something, they had to come stand by me and hold my hand and pull on my clothes.  When I was at the reading rug, all the girls had to touch my shoes and bracelets and engagement ring and hair.  I had at least every student come up once during the day and tell me they had a stomach ache and had to go to the nurse.  Or they had a fever.  Or their throat hurt.  Or they've broken their arm at recess (they were able to move it and admitted to never falling on it or anything).  Or they wanted to get a drink.  Or go to the bathroom.  Or go talk to the principal.  Or get a library book.  Or that their real teacher let them do whatever they wanted.  And the tattling!  It was ridiculous.   "Samantha and Ethan were holding hands at recess!"  So?  "Well we're not allowed to have boyfriends or girlfriends!  We're only 8!"  Kids should learn to mind their own business.  "Are you married?  What's your husband's name?  Do you have babies?  Are you going to be our teacher forever?"  I love children.  I want to have children.  I actually want to have lots of children.  But they will be mine.  And I can tell them to quit tattling and mind their own business, etc.  I just don't like hanging out with children as a full-time job.  Bleh.

So aside from subbing and packing eggs, I've started my own project.  I've taken it upon myself (I act like this was for fun--I would have had to do it anyway) to buy paint and make my dresser for the house match my bedframe for the house.  Now my dresser isn't nasty 70's cream and gold and my bed is not chintzy green!  They're both a wonderful deep brown.  Which I think would be nice for the scheme of our bedroom in the Muncie house.  

Kyle says he doesn't want a girly comforter (even though I think if he's really tired, he won't care what he sleeps under), so I'm thinking something like a solid color.  I saw a really cute picture of a bedroom where everything was a shade of brown or white and the comforter was red and it looked amazing, simple, and do-able.  So I've decided that this will be our bedroom!  As far as other rooms in the house go, I have no idea.  I'm sure my parents are committed to putting white beadboard up in the dining room and kitchen, so I think a nice shade of yellow would look good in there.  As far as the living room and bathroom are concerned, though, I have no idea.  Something light for the bathroom, though, because it makes it look bigger.  But that's as far as I know.  

Also, we've ordered windows for the house!  They should be in sometime early June.  The cabinets have been put off for another three or so weeks, though, so those will be coming mid-way through June.  *Sigh.  The trick is to coordinate everything (and everyone) to go at once.  So far this hasn't happened.  Maybe this should start happening...mmmmmm....

But yeah.  That's that right now.  Yep.

Summer?!

Today I came home to begin summer break...

Summer?!  Really?

Yeah.  I think this might be one of the hardest summers of my life.  I've never really liked summer too much and I have yet to have a good one.  When I was in elementary school, I hated summer because I missed my teachers and my friends and I cried because I couldn't go to the school library once a week anymore and that was just devastating to me.  Then when I got into middle school, I hated summer because that meant 4-H and not going anywhere because I couldn't drive and never seeing my friends who had cool moms who took them places so they could hang out with their secret boyfriends.  I was so jealous.

Then when I was able to drive, I had to get a job!  Awwww, man!  So I spent a whole summer just working and sweating all day and it was awful because I was really heavy still and I wanted to vomit everyday.  When I lost weight by the next summer, it got better, but then I had a confusing relationship and it was awful because I couldn't see him or understand what he wanted.  Then the next summer, I had become part of a relationship with that guy, but he moved to Asia and I was severely depressed and worked my sorrows away.  

Last summer I began seeing someone else, but the baggage from the first relationship made it hard to sustain that one, and when I could, Guy #2 was living far away.  

This summer I'm engaged to Guy #2, but he's still living far away.  And I don't have a job.  I'm stressed because I don't get to see Kyle, I don't have any work to occupy my time, and I have to worry about planning a wedding and remodeling a house.   Not to mention Guy #1 comes home and I haven't seen him for two years so it'll be weird.  

I have no idea what to do right now.  My mind is still fried from finals!  I'd like to sleep and stay awake all at the same time, if that makes any sense.  Like I need the sleep, but if I succumb something else will happen, and I can't have that.  I suppose I'm not given anything I can't handle, but Heavenly Father is really testing me this week.  

Hopefully tomorrow I can finish unpacking and rearranging my room and work on something not related to finding a job or thinking about school or worrying about my wedding that I can just calm down and focus...

The wedding plans are going okay.  Remember, if you want updates on that, go to www.mywedding.com/megankyle!  The house is also coming right along in its remodeling, so I can at least be thankful for that!

Busy Day.

Today was a pretty busy day, but I was pretty productive, I'd have to say!  I slept in an hour, did personal scripture study and prayer morning AND night, did family scripture study and prayer with Kyle, paid for the stove and fridge, went to Institute class, completed a HUGE Geography assignment, made flash cards for my dance final, and took a nap.  Perfect.

Only complaint?  Didn't get to see Kyle as much as I'd've liked.  I wish I had free time when he has free time.  He's pretty busy this week--or busier than I am, at least.  I want to do so much with him before we have to leave for the summer:  work on the house, spend time planning for the wedding (i.e. registering), watching movies we haven't had time to see yet, working on family history...there's so much!  He's got a speech to do tonight and also a final project and a mini paper that's due at the end of this week, and I don't know that I can help him with any of it!  Poor him.  He should have done his stuff earlier so he could have hung out with me more!  Oh well.

So I guess the only thing left for me to do now is to prep for my Comm presentation on Friday.  We're running through it again tomorrow, so everything should be fine.  I need to revamp a paper for Friday, and I also have my Dance final on that day that I could study for.  Geography final is on Tuesday.  Writing portfolio is due sometime next week--I guess I'll figure out when it's due when I go to class tomorrow.  That's something I'm not really looking forward to doing.  But I guess writers have to revise at some point, so even though I'm not planning to write, I need to do as writers do.  

Life seems pretty easy right now.  I should work on some genealogy sometime.  I really like the Genealogy Center behind Carnegie Library downtown and I plan on going back there again.  I have a few books I can read, too.  I can spruce up my VT binder for my calling.  And it's been a heck of a long time since I've sat down and just watched a movie for myself.  Or Grey's Anatomy.  I used to crochet when watching Grey's.  It's been ages since I've crocheted anything!

I'm also worrying about my job situation for this summer.  I suppose I shouldn't worry; I know I'll be taken care of if I'm faithful.  I just haven't really gotten on that task quite yet.  I'll just call in to Central Offices at home to make sure there's nothing I need to do to reactivate myself as a substitute teacher and just assure them that I can work.  Then call Minnich's and tell Marg that I'm willing to work there, too.  I'll see what I can do.  I don't want to work Saturdays, but if it's what I have to do, then it's what I have to do!

I'm just ready for something.  I don't know what.  I feel excited for some reason, maybe because school is ending.  I'm looking forward to just working and not having homework, but I'm NOT looking forward to being away from Kyle and doing the I'll-see-you-every-other-weekend stuff again this year.  Ugh.  If he can even see me on weekends.  He might have to work.  Who knows?

I'm still anxious though.  Eager or anxious.  When it's the unknown, it's hard to say.  Maybe it's just that there are things coming this summer that I just need to get over with.  Maybe that's it.  

Sounds good.  Yeah...that's it.

Ramblings

So I really need to get better at keeping this.  I just have so many other things that sort of get in the way...I almost just don't know where to start sometimes, so I ignore it.  Oops.

But this isn't supposed to be about that, so.

I guess lately I've just been finishing up with school and working hard on getting those last minute things done for projects and papers and everything.  The thing that bothers me is that lately I've developed the attitude that it doesn't matter if I go to class anymore because I'm just so over it.  That's bad!  I'd rather stay in bed and sleep though!  I think I missed my Comm class for the sixth time the other day, and I'll be missing again on Wednesday to practice with my group for our presentation due on Friday.  I've missed my Geography class twice and simply can't afford to miss more because I have an assignment due on Wednesday and then I'll be getting the final study guide the last day.  I can't risk missing more Dance...I'm okay attendance-wise, but I want that A on the final, which means I have to absorb all my information and prepare to make flashcards! 

I also can't miss anymore English because it's final review and then turning in a paper.  And THEN I have to be present for my last day of Creative Writing (thank the LORD!).  I'm so over this semester.  Only a few more days left of classes!  As of right now, one more Geography assignment and final, one more Comm presentation, one more Dance final, a final draft of my research paper and my English final, and my final Writing portfolio.  That's seven things on my school to-do list!  I can count them on only two hands!

Kyle and I began our remodeling process this week and it's been pleasantly surprising for me to discover that I love remodeling!  Or maybe it's just ripping off wallpaper that I love!  It relieves tension from everything else, so it's all good!  We've got all the wallpaper off in the bathroom and have begun spackling and sanding walls.  Mom and Bets and I went to buy a (gently) used stove and refrigerator today, and once we got them in, we finally had all of our appliances!  We're waiting to get the cabinets (and supposedly a dishwasher!) and then we'll have the fridge, stove, microwave, possibly dishwasher, washer, AND dryer!  I feel so fortunate to have them all, especially the washer and dryer and even the dishwasher if it happens.  Lucky me!

I'm not looking forward to packing though.  You know which part of the semesters I loved best when I'm living in the dorms?  The part at the very beginning where you move in and you have a few days until classes start and the very end of finals week where you can just hang around with other people and eat the dorm's food and use their internet and cable and just know that you don't have a single thing to do!  It's the best!

So classes were posted today.  Or at least, everyone's but mine!  Somehow mine didn't get requested, which was a really rude awakening.  I got into everything I needed, though, which was nice, and I even figured out what was wrong with my rGrade today...a worry that's been on my plate since last summer is now GONE.  Hurrah for today!

I also got a nap.  And have grilled cheese.  That's right...be jealous.  Life is good right now.  Just too busy.  I wish there were more hours in a day.  Or that I just don't need to sleep.  *Sigh.

PS-we've made more wedding plans!  Check out our site!  www.mywedding.com/megankyle.