Remember When It Rained?

So this blog isn't about anything that's been on my mind lately.  I wanted to post a blog but couldn't think of anything really that I felt like blogging about.  So I went to my iTunes and picked a song and let it inspire me.  

So the very first song that caught my attention was Josh Groban's "Remember When It Rained."  

I like Josh Groban.  He's got a wonderful voice and sings really amazing songs with great messages.  I don't listen to him enough, probably.  The only reason that one of his songs was up first on my list is because my iTunes by default displayed first the songs that I'd recently added to my collection.  Which includes this particular song, obviously.  And it includes this song because I snuck onto my sister's laptop while she was out the other day and dropped some of her better songs from her iTunes onto my flashdrive.  In essence, I stole this song.

Anyway, Josh Groban.  How did I get introduced to Josh Groban?  I'm pretty sure it was Jared's fault.  There was a particular song, I think, but I can't remember if Jared made me listen to it and I liked it or if Jared recommended Josh Groban and that was the first song of his that I listened to...it's been years and years.  Probably like four or five.  I think it was sophomore year of high school, actually.

Oh wait!  He went to a Josh Groban concert.  In Fort Wayne, I think.  That's how we got to talking about it.  He was really excited about the whole thing.  He got them from someone in the church...I wish I could remember who.  I think he said like someone's aunt.  Actually, this is weird, but I think it was Betty Jo's aunt.  Ironic, huh?  I could be totally wrong, but....weird.  That's what I remember.  I loved Josh Groban immediately and became addicted.  And now that song "You're Still You" makes me think of Jared and no one else.  It doesn't even really apply, but, you know, I can't help what my mind triggers. 

Anyway.  "Remember When It Rained" was on his second CD--you know the one..."You Lift Me Up," anyone?  "Remember" is such a sad song.  Here are the words:

Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you.
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do.

Oh...Remember when it rained?
Felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Oh...Remember when it rained.
In the darkness I remain.

Tears of hope run down my skin.
Tears for you that will not dry.
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die.

Oh...Remember when it rained?
I felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Oh...Remember when it rained.
In the water I remain...

Running down
Running down
Running down

I began listening to this song a lot after Thomas left, mostly because it's pretty melancholy, and I was pretty depressed.  Not a good time in my life.  I remember occasionally putting the music on and sitting in my dark closet and crying, willing it to rain on me.  In the darkness I remained.  

That's what that song's meant to me for all these months...depression and anger and sorrow and resentfulness and desperation.  I was thinking about all of this as I considered how different things are now, how I never let myself reach that threshold of depression anymore and how I'm surrounded by beautiful people who care for me.  Most importantly, I became part of the most wonderful church anyone could ever hope to become involved in.  They love me and don't care what's happened to me before as long as I'm repenting with a broken heart and contrite spirit.  And then it hit me...

...this song is a conversion story.  

And not just any conversion story--my conversion story.

It just fits.  I don't even need to explain it to myself.  Now the song is beautiful and gives me hope instead of forcing me to remember those awful feelings I had after someone I cared about went away.  When we cannot do things ourselves, we need the Lord.  Sometimes we don't look for Him until we are humbled into realizing we cannot it alone.  We become hopeful.  We develop a new love for Him that cannot die, and He changes us from the inside out.  We call for Him again and again, sometimes in the same pleading voice as before, sometimes not.  But we always seek Him.  And just like in baptism, we can be fully immersed in His love.

For the first time ever, I smiled as I listened to this song!  I hope everyone can Remember When It Rained. 

In the water I'll remain.