Sunday, May 10, 2009

Summer?!

Today I came home to begin summer break...

Summer?!  Really?

Yeah.  I think this might be one of the hardest summers of my life.  I've never really liked summer too much and I have yet to have a good one.  When I was in elementary school, I hated summer because I missed my teachers and my friends and I cried because I couldn't go to the school library once a week anymore and that was just devastating to me.  Then when I got into middle school, I hated summer because that meant 4-H and not going anywhere because I couldn't drive and never seeing my friends who had cool moms who took them places so they could hang out with their secret boyfriends.  I was so jealous.

Then when I was able to drive, I had to get a job!  Awwww, man!  So I spent a whole summer just working and sweating all day and it was awful because I was really heavy still and I wanted to vomit everyday.  When I lost weight by the next summer, it got better, but then I had a confusing relationship and it was awful because I couldn't see him or understand what he wanted.  Then the next summer, I had become part of a relationship with that guy, but he moved to Asia and I was severely depressed and worked my sorrows away.  

Last summer I began seeing someone else, but the baggage from the first relationship made it hard to sustain that one, and when I could, Guy #2 was living far away.  

This summer I'm engaged to Guy #2, but he's still living far away.  And I don't have a job.  I'm stressed because I don't get to see Kyle, I don't have any work to occupy my time, and I have to worry about planning a wedding and remodeling a house.   Not to mention Guy #1 comes home and I haven't seen him for two years so it'll be weird.  

I have no idea what to do right now.  My mind is still fried from finals!  I'd like to sleep and stay awake all at the same time, if that makes any sense.  Like I need the sleep, but if I succumb something else will happen, and I can't have that.  I suppose I'm not given anything I can't handle, but Heavenly Father is really testing me this week.  

Hopefully tomorrow I can finish unpacking and rearranging my room and work on something not related to finding a job or thinking about school or worrying about my wedding that I can just calm down and focus...

The wedding plans are going okay.  Remember, if you want updates on that, go to www.mywedding.com/megankyle!  The house is also coming right along in its remodeling, so I can at least be thankful for that!

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