Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Today I yelled...

So for my practicum placement I've been assigned to one middle school and one high school.  I've been to the middle school three days so far, and until today, didn't really see any of the discipline problems.

Today being the last day before the middle school's fall break, however, was ticket day.  Tickets are rewards students collect when they behave well.  When they misbehave or act out, the class does not receive a ticket.  At the end of the month, a ticket cut-off is decided.  If the students meet the ticket requirement, they get to do fun activities in their classes.  If the students did not meet the requirement, they get to do work and boring stuff.  On ticket day, students are given a number between 1 and 6 (because there are six teachers on the team).  They go to the teacher whose number coordinates with theirs and from then on out, the classes rotate so that each teacher sees a group of kids at least once.

So the kids don't know this, but they are assigned numbers based on how many tickets they received.  The kids with the most tickets all receive the same number and move around together throughout the day.  They do super-fun things like have free time and get pizza parties.  Those who got a decent amount of tickets do arts and crafts stuff or watch movies that are only semi-lame.  Those who got virtually no tickets do work and watch super-lame movies.

During the two hours I was at the school today, I got a group of kids who got a decent amount of tickets (we made mini-scarecrows) and another group of kids who got five tickets or less (the cutoff is like twenty). 

Anyway, the second group of students had to watch an awful grammar video today.  It was lame beyond lame.  I actually wanted to shoot the TV.  Thankfully, though, I didn't have to watch it, because I was so busy helping the student teacher maintain control of the classroom.  Students who were tipping their chairs or sleeping had to stand.  We had 3/4 of the class standing at the end of the period.  

I don't need to go into detail of what all happened (I don't want to relive that class period), but I yelled.  I have never yelled at a class before!  Not in all the tutoring I've done, or the help I've given, or the lessons I've taught...never ever ever.  I've raised my voice to get students attention, but I've never had to yell.  I've never even yelled at my husband like that, or my siblings.  Okay, maybe my mom, but whatever.  I really didn't know I had it in me.  I didn't lose my head or anything like that, but I was loud enough to demand respect and control the class. 

Now, before you go off judging me for my actions in the classroom today, I want to ask you to consider what my practicum teacher told us before we went into the schools.  First of all, as teachers, we have been trained not to yell if at all possible.  As parents, other teachers, or even people in the community...you DON'T know what has gone on in that classroom, and you DON'T know how many times these kids have broken the rules, and you DON'T know how it is to have two choice on your hands:  to yell and shatter what self-respect you might have for yourself, or not to yell and deplete any sort of respect the students have for YOUR authority.  It's a tough call.  

So today I told myself that eventually I'd get over it, and I made a choice to throw out what my ideal of myself as a good teacher was and I actually acted like a good teacher.  And, the best part?  I'm already over it.  I think sometimes things like this really do need to happen in order for you to grow...

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