Wednesday, January 6, 2010

My Sleeping Husband

Kyle is so ridiculous in the morning--or, actually, it could be afternoon. What I meant was Kyle is so ridiculous in the hour or so right before he rolls out of bed (which, when I have anything to do with it, is the morning). Mostly I like to wake up a little earlier than planned on leisurely days so I can just laugh at him as he tries to convince me that he's awake.

It always starts when the alarm goes off. The alarm's on his side of the bed until we get the bedroom furniture finished (which will hopefully be soon since the wedding plans are done), so I have to always ask him to shut it off for me. Since he's also deaf in the morning, this entails me lazily not moving and shouting "KYLE! Could you get that?" Typically the first time he offers no response and dutifully hits snooze.

So then I get up, go to the bathroom, go get a drink, and come back to the bedroom to give Kyle his Adderall (if you don't know what that is, check this out) because there is no way we can depend on Kyle taking it himself--you'll understand why in a minute. I've learned that gently prodding Kyle won't necessarily get a response from him when administering Adderall, so again I have to raise my voice slightly while maintaining cheeriness: "Kyle...Adderall time!" Still asleep, today he only opened his mouth a little wider instead of holding out his hand. So I added the (gentle?) nudge in with it and he dutifully held out his hand. It's very important that you watch him take the Adderall. I've heard stories from him before that when left to his own devices, one Adderall pill has been stuck to his face upon waking while the other lay lost in his bed. His mom also told me about the time Kyle sleepily "forgot" to sit up when taking the water to wash the Adderall down and literally just poured water all over his face. Humorous.

So I wait for the alarm clock to continue to go off. I figure it's helpful in Kyle's waking process to have to shut off each one of them. The first one goes off and of course, Kyle's too tired to hear it. "Kyle! Alarm clock." He never asks me why I never just roll over to shut if off since I'm obviously awake. I don't think his sleepy brain even realizes I'm up. He hits snooze again (which is the biggest and closest button to him). Great! I get a re-run in ten minutes.

"Kyle. Could you get the alarm?" He tries to shut it off with his foot.

"Kyle...the alarm's going off." He rolls over away from me toward the clock, even reaches out for it, but he falls short and just continues to sleep.

Then this, three times: "Sweetheart. The alarm. You could turn it off instead of snoozing it" (it is only a button higher and would stop this nonsense). The first time he completely ignores me and just hits snooze. The second time he sat up exaggeratedly, making it look like he was planning to stay awake (didn't happen). The last time he just hit snooze and waved his hand and said "Pshaw". He does get a little crazy when it's time to get up. He would never in real life actually say that.

And, again, right now: "You could just shut it off." He mumbles something. "What?" More mumbling. "One more time?"

"I said....(deep breath)...WHATEVER DUDE!" Then, realizing he yelled at me without meaning to, he scoots closer and lays his head on my arm in apology. Opening one eye, he sees my blog open, and says jokingly, "You can quote me on that."

I laugh and tell him I will. He probably doesn't remember that now as he's asleep again. Poor, poor boy. I guess the only way to get him up is to dangle breakfast in his face...

...which is how I got him up yesterday.

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